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I must be one of the greatest party-poopers in the world!
Posted: Sun Aug 13, 2006 6:56 pm
by Livgivare
I feel so sad, I feel like I have nothing to offer to people outside my appartment. I see people having fun outside my window while they are hving a barbeque party. I was to go out yesterday and I could not do that, because I feel like the biggest looser there is. It was to be the great "drakbåtsfestivalen" here in town. But something in me told me to stay indoors and listen to music instead and sing along. I fooled myself that I would be more happy eating cookies, listening to Elvis and reading a book.
But I know I am a social creature. I love to be around people. I love to chit-chat about things that are important to me and to others. I just dont like to talk about unimportant stuff. And that is what I always find people do. all this paranoia among people to get serious is making me so closed like an oyster.
People tells me that I can't sing. So I can never join a choir. when I do sing and have open windows I feel ahamed to sing even if I am extremely happy. People also tells me that I am not the best among others in a social fun way. I nag too much. I make too many excuses for my behaviour. I talk too much and I defenetly don't have social atennas.
So I end up doing alot of thing on my own. Reading and watching TV. Taking walk all by myself. Looking at dogs in the town. Going into stores all alone. While I see the world pass by.
And I always feel like I know things that people will never listen to. I know a great deal of alcohol-politics, politics in general, religion and litterature. All those things are of the serious type. So I feel like I am the one never having something to talk about.
And deep down inside I also know that I am a human being that is not stupid and that I am a good girl. But that thing is always shadowed by the feelings that I never fit in anywere.
All this makes me affraid of meeting people just like that and make new friends. That also makes me spend a whole lot of time infront of the computer and the TV or with a book in my hand.
I feel shitty about this. This always makes me cry and makes me feel so alone.
Love Leelene
Posted: Sun Aug 13, 2006 7:10 pm
by littlesister
Leelene...you can only be yourself....don't be unhappy for being that. Trust in yourself, in what you believe in..... if others do not like it,if you are not being a "sheep", following the crowd.... that is
their loss, not yours.
to quote from a favourite author....
it is better to be hated for what you are that loved for something you are not.... 
Andre Gide
Posted: Sun Aug 13, 2006 8:10 pm
by Equinoxe
Smile and the world smiles with you.....
Posted: Sun Aug 13, 2006 9:02 pm
by Velodynamic
I just like to add an old cliché...don't forget to forgive yourself and go with your true feelings. That little voice inside you is important...because it is you (or god if you like). I think it's really hard to offer anything to anybody as long as we are feeling forced to do it.
I use to think...I live in a world of about 6,5 billion people in a universe nobody has yet seen the end of. What more can I do than trying to think positive as far as I can and just hoping that I'm offering something good to this big mess...just because it makes me feel better that way.
Posted: Sun Aug 13, 2006 9:10 pm
by Jarp2600
It's me almost the same. But, I don't like to be with too much people. Sometimes I think I should be more under people, but I don't like it, so I don't.
Don't feel sad about it, it's only you!
Posted: Sun Aug 13, 2006 9:51 pm
by Jakob BC
Some years ago, I had a social problem. I had friends but I was too lazy to spend my weekend hanging out with the friends. I just wanted to be at home and then I didn't have any friends anymore. I was an outsider one of the social losers you'll always find in the school. I changed a lot of things. I didn't change life but I started to develop my personality which has probably changed a bit but I still think I am myself. Ofcourse I was in the age where all people are finding themselves.
I think the reason why I prefered to stay home was just something about lazyness, which is a liferhythm. You can develop yourself and get into another rhythm in your case to be more with other people. I don't think it's impossible to find some who will talk about the same subjects as you, but all these conflicts where you end up sitting home instead of going to the party is the bad rhythm because it's obvously that you want to be outside and talk to people, but you choose the easiest solution which is not always the best. I can only say this because I know about this "rhythm" and you will feel so much better taking the next step, you don't have to change your personality.
Posted: Sun Aug 13, 2006 9:52 pm
by Jarp2600
Exactly!
Posted: Mon Aug 14, 2006 1:21 am
by leeus
You sound a little depresed. But that is ok. Don't let anyone tell you that is a bad feeling.
What you wrote sounded like every day for me in my 20's. I was very alone, but I learned a lot about myself. I grew better by it, and became a good husband later for it.
View everything as something to learn. Absorb everything.
I would be more worried for you if you were this way, and didn't feel this way. The feeling you describe is something to use as mark for something later in life that is much better.
Take care. I hope everything works for you.
God bless.
Re: I must be one of the greatest party-poopers in the world
Posted: Mon Aug 14, 2006 10:22 pm
by AMR
A cliche that works:
Forget about everything, don't do futurology, don't worry and just do it.
The worst that can happen is ending up in a miserable time waste situation, but you had fun anyway - that if you are always true to yourself, and act as yourself, and are not "prisioner" of any schedules (friends, time, places, whatever).
It's like the chinese say "those who always worry they may die, don't live".
And my own personal moto "if everything around doesn't seem to change, it's probably because you are still doing what you were doing since the last change..." or in other words, if I keep doing what I always did, I'll keep getting what I've always gotten -keyword here is "do" (or don't), so here goes the marvelous wise cliche:
Just do it, or don't - and keep to your decision with absolute stuborness!
That won't make your logical brain confused, hence, won't hurt, ergo, you won't feel sad - altough your words seem to tend to the "do" part.
So, go out for a coffee... once... twice...
And there are many like you (who like what you like and know about), but that does not really matter to make friends, because you like people because the interest they have in the way you are - persona - not in what you know or own, these later often result in jealousy and repulse rather than atract, except if you don't count hipocrites who will tell you something pleasant in front of you and the oposite once you turn your back...
So, be yourself, exist, it's your right and, according to what I observe in Nature, even obligation - LIVE!
Kind Regards,
AMR
http://www.alvaromrocha.com
PS - What's so fun about a barbecue party? Were there naked women?
It's probably more fun the Elvis thing, but fun is not what you want - you want to comunicate and explore... what's stopping you?
Don't forget the Chinese. Cheer up.
Leelene wrote:I feel so sad, I feel like I have nothing to offer to people outside my appartment.
I see people having fun outside my window while they are hving a barbeque party.
I was to go out yesterday and I could not do that, because I feel like the biggest looser there is.
It was to be the great "drakbåtsfestivalen" here in town. But something in me told me to stay indoors and listen to music instead and sing along. I fooled myself that I would be more happy eating cookies, listening to Elvis and reading a book.
But I know I am a social creature. I love to be around people. I love to chit-chat about things that are important to me and to others. I just dont like to talk about unimportant stuff. And that is what I always find people do. all this paranoia among people to get serious is making me so closed like an oyster.
People tells me that I can't sing. So I can never join a choir. when I do sing and have open windows I feel ahamed to sing even if I am extremely happy. People also tells me that I am not the best among others in a social fun way. I nag too much. I make too many excuses for my behaviour. I talk too much and I defenetly don't have social atennas.
So I end up doing alot of thing on my own. Reading and watching TV. Taking walk all by myself. Looking at dogs in the town. Going into stores all alone. While I see the world pass by.
And I always feel like I know things that people will never listen to. I know a great deal of alcohol-politics, politics in general, religion and litterature. All those things are of the serious type. So I feel like I am the one never having something to talk about.
And deep down inside I also know that I am a human being that is not stupid and that I am a good girl. But that thing is always shadowed by the feelings that I never fit in anywere.
All this makes me affraid of meeting people just like that and make new friends. That also makes me spend a whole lot of time infront of the computer and the TV or with a book in my hand.
I feel shitty about this. This always makes me cry and makes me feel so alone.
Love Leelene
Posted: Tue Aug 15, 2006 8:33 am
by jarrekid
If it makes you feel any better, I feel like shit at the moment too.
Posted: Tue Aug 15, 2006 12:36 pm
by Livgivare
Thanx for all the replies. They made me think and I will try to become more brave!
Love Leelene
Posted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 12:35 pm
by BnM
When I first left home,
I was too sensitive, too "artsy/ alternate thinking" to fit in with the "average joe"
= most people.
I was very lonely.
BUT I decided to join the local multicultural groups :
Afro Caribean, Chinese, Arabic, Lebanese/Palestinian, Music Union & Arts centre.
I found people there to be Much More Friendly and Welcoming
and More Open Minded and Fun
and far Less judgemental and More Alternate Thinking
than majority of caucasians I had come across.
I also met other sensitivie "artsy" "alternative" thinking caucasians in these societies.
Basically I found the type people I was most comfortable & happy with :
Multicultural People ... Not the "average man/woman".